Am I angry or just frustrated?
Do things easily annoy you? Do you find you have a tendency to give up easily? You may just be frustrated!
What is frustration?
Frustration is the tension that we feel in our bodies when things don’t go the way we wanted or had planned. Or it may be the tension we feel when we thought things would be a lot easier than they turned out to be. That’s ok! Most people experience internal tension when their goals or expectations are not met. Some people might honk the horn when waiting in traffic as they become increasingly impatient at being delayed from arriving at their destination. Others might sigh heavily as they become annoyed at the instructions when putting a flat pack bookshelf together when those pesky screws don’t fit properly!
So how does frustration differ from anger?
Frustration develops slowly in response to things that disappoint us or fail to meet our expectations. Anger is the emotional response to a buildup of frustration. In saying this, frustration does not always lead to anger. Everyone has differing levels of frustration tolerance. Sometimes, being frustrated will lead to simply giving up or lowering expectations, whilst others will progress quickly to an anger outburst unless we have the appropriate skills to manage these feelings and prevent them escalating.
Anger can be expressed in many ways, however is commonly expressed verbally or physically. Examples may include yelling that can be general or directed at another person, or physical such as fighting and physical violence. Anger results from an accumulation of frustration that is unmanaged.
What are some common triggers?
These differ for everyone however some people maintain rigid internal scripts that dictate that things ‘should’ happen a certain way. For example, children may become frustrated if they believe that every week, they should get a lunch order because other children get a lunch order every week. This may turn into anger, when it has been 3 weeks in a row with no lunch order. When people have rigid internal scripts and develop these rigid and unhelpful thinking styles, this can result in faulty thinking and a tendency toward anger.
People can also have difficulty letting go of disappointing outcomes or experiences. This is typically experienced when someone repeatedly reviews or ruminates over past conversations or arguments and thinks about things they could have said or done instead. Engaging in this behaviour reduces our ability to sit with negative emotions and accept what has happened. It also perpetuates feelings of anger and runs the risk of escalating emotions as we relive the situation over and over again.
How can we manage anger?
Identify triggers
Being able to identify your triggers for feeling frustrated or angry means that you may be able to react differently and earlier next time you’re faced with the trigger, to prevent things escalating. When you start to feel angry, ask yourself what was I doing before I felt like this? What is causing me to feel this way? Is your interpretation of the situation, correct? Or is there another perspective? Is this life-threatening? Does my reaction match the severity of the situation?
Identify physical warning signs
Identifying the physical feeling in your body is one way of identifying when you’re feeling angry. You may feel an increase in blood pressure or heart rate, you may feel a tightness in your chest, or notice that your muscles have become clenched. You may feel hot, flushed, sweaty, or like there is pressure in your head. You may feel like your heart is pounding and you may breathe faster than usual. These are all common symptoms of the anger response. Early identification is key, to enable early intervention and prevent us becoming completely dysregulated.
Remove yourself
Take 5 and step away from the triggering situation. Cool down by giving yourself space and counting to ten. You can say “I need to take a break, I will be back in 10 minutes”. Consider going for a walk or changing your environment. Walk outdoors in the cooler weather, have a cold glass of iced water or a cold shower. This may be enough to help you to feel more calm and regulate your emotions effectively.
Distraction
Distracting yourself by doing a different activity, calling a friend, or counting to 10 may be all it takes to shift your attention.
Use some tools
When we experience physical tension in our bodies as an anger response, using this tension can be beneficial. Consider squeezing a stress ball, punching a punching bag, kicking a ball or bouncing a ball repeatedly. The use of progressive muscle relaxation techniques can also be useful. Finding a way to release this tension safely and effectively while promoting a sense of calm.
Talk to yourself
Telling yourself how to handle the situation can be a way of calming yourself down. Saying things like “I can handle this” or “I won’t let this get to me”, or taking deep breaths and saying “relax, this feeling will pass” can be helpful.
Everyone feels angry or frustrated from time to time, but understanding your experience of anger is important. If you are unable to control your anger, then you are at risk of escalating and causing harm to yourself or others. This is not ok and can be prevented.
If you or someone you know has difficulty managing anger, then seeking progressional support may be the next step. Please contact the friendly team at Progressive Psychology on 0477 798 932. We would be happy to schedule an appointment with one of our friendly psychologists.
Lauren Hall is a Provisional Psychologist at Progressive Psychology