Am I a good enough parent?
Parenting is hard. Full stop.
Parenting when you’ve never parented before is hard. Parenting when you’ve parented before, that is hard too.
If you have ever felt low or experienced doubt in your ability to parent, you most certainly are not alone. Many people experience feelings of doubt about not only their parenting strategies, but doubt in themselves. Does this make you a bad parent? Not at all. In fact, most parents have had the thought that “this is too much” or have questioned their ability to cope. It is not uncommon for parents to wonder if they are doing a “good job”. Others find the pressure to be a perfect parent extremely difficult. With social media increasing the pressure to be the perfect parent, as well as the tendency for parents to compare ourselves to others, it is difficult to be a parent and feel like you are doing a “good job”.
So, what IS a “good job”?
Well, research actually shows that being a “good-enough” parent is more beneficial for our children (and ourselves!) than it is to be an ah-mazing one. Perfection 100% of the time is simply not possible, and to strive for this is simply unhealthy and unrealistic. Sometimes we put so much effort and energy into achieving greatness, that it is to our detriment. We either worry far too much about every little thing, increasing the likelihood of developing anxiety; or are self-deprecating and beat ourselves up over every little thing, increasing our susceptibility to developing depression.
Postnatal depression and anxiety, although treatable, can be debilitating conditions. They affect 1 in 7 women and 1 in 10 males following the first year of the birth of their baby. Unlike the baby blues which passes on its own, postnatal depression can be longer-lasting, and affect your ability to cope.
Symptoms may include:
- feeling low or numb – some people describe feeling nothing at all
- lack of interest and/or pleasure in life, yourself and/or the baby
- no energy – finding it difficult to cope and get through the day
- loss of confidence, feeling helpless, hopeless and worthless
- often feeling close to tears, highly sensitive to other’s comments or emotional
- feeling angry, irritable or resentful towards other mothers, the baby or your partner
- changes in sleep – not being able to sleep even when you have the opportunity, or conversely, wanting to sleep all the time
- changes in appetite – accompanied by weight loss or weight gain
- difficulties concentrating, thinking clearly or making decisions
- feeling isolated, alone and disconnected from others
- having thoughts of harming yourself, your baby and/or other children.
Postnatal anxiety and depression are treatable conditions. If you believe you may be experiencing symptoms it is important to reach out for help early. Parenting can be hard, however with the right support, it can also be a beautiful journey full of happiness, connection and self-discovery.
If you think you might be struggling with PND or would like to learn more about the idea of “good-enough” parenting, please give the team at Progressive Psychology a call on 0477 798 932. Our friendly Psychologists are here to help!
If you feel triggered by this article or require immediate support, please contact PANDA’s National Perinatal Mental Health Helpline on 1300 726 306 9am – 7.30pm Mon – Fri AEST or Lifeline on 13 11 14.